||[Nov. 19th, 2006|11:00 am]
|||||Now or Never - Josh Groban||]|
I watch the morning dawn upon your skin
A splinter in the light
It caught and frayed the very heart of us
It's been hiding there inside for all this time
How a sure thing winds up just like this
Clockwork silence only knows
Two days ago, I realised how much I have lost myself and forgotten the importance of understanding myself completely along with each new process and level. I wouldn't have remembered and continued on to be who I wasn't and gone on doing everything I didn't want to do if it wasn't for M. I know it sounds kind of weird that someone I hardly know seemed to be able to shake me and snap me back to reality, but maybe that is the case. If I knew him well enough and was worried of what he thought of me, I wouldn't have confided in him, much less tell him of my dreams (if you want to put it in a cliche way, then yes, 'dreams' is extremely approriate.) But now I feel its perfectly alright to be cliche because there isn't a black and white source that tells me what I can't be, or what I have to be.
I forgotten how much I knew myself and now that everything has gone on and I have changed and pushed forward to something that isn't me, I have to track back and let it go naturally. I don't.want to lose myself ever again. I don't want to worry about what others think of me because I just want to be who I am and if you don't want to accept me for that, its just the problem with the society and not because I cannot live up to who I am inside. Rather than having to fight with myself daily, asking why I am doing something so that others won't judge or stereotype me.
and individualism, I felt I had nothing as an individual, at least for the past 6-7 months or so.
My little task, self-conquest is my objective. Its okay if everyone seems to be leaving, I have to believe my faith will pull me strong. If a stranger can simply put so much confidence in me, why am I simply doubting such ability and life?
How about you?
This week has been trying, I am looking forward to the closure.
Denise, I've missed you so. I am so glad you're finally on the way down from getting your head stuck in the clouds.